Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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