I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
