but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
foreskin is a definite game changer
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
