I'm pants shitting drunk right now
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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