In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
