put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm at about main and main street
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
