They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize