He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
