You smell like stripper and shame
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
