fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
