For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
