i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
