Cold hands, warm shart.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
