singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I lost the right to judge tonight
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
