sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
