ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
