I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize