All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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