I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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