You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
