got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
