On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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