Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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