Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Randomize
