there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
