thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
