I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
