It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
