: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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