I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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