the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I am one with the molecules
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
