The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
