: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
