I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
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