I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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