I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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