How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
