i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
