here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
