That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
