I'm really into asian looking animals
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
