I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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