So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
