Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Randomize