3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
