we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
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