man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
