my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
