There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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