You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
