I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
