I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
