This is not my ceiling
He felt like a one man threesome
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
