Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
