we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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