Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
