this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
