Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
