Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
