Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
