Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
