We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Randomize
