Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
