just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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