Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Will exercising make me less horny?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
