TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
