hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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