haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
