i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
