he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
