The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
